Journal Day #10

Here's this week's prompt-

Quite simply, what are you good at? All of us have particular strengths- what are yours? This week, talk about these talents, big or small. Ideas: discuss how you use these things in your daily life or job, how you discovered a knack for this or that, perhaps even touch on whether or not you are passionate about the things you're good at. via- Sometimes Sweet


I feel like I have never really figured out the answer to this question. I can do quite a few things well but I don't have that one thing that I truly excel at. Some of the things I do well are not even transferable to every day life but are skills that I have picked up over the years at different jobs and hold no use to me now. Other things are just barely notable.

I can organize the pants off paperwork or a crap-fulled closet. I really love when things have a place and everything is in its place. For some reason this is not something I can transfer to my personal life as noted by my messy house. Strange how that works... 
I am great at collecting scrapbooking stuff and then letting it sit for a few years before I remember I even have it. Haha.

I am also great at hording clothes. I have an endless amount of clothes that I simply cannot bear to part with. And even though most of it doesn't even fit me anymore I just don't seem to be able to let anything go.

I make a mean meatloaf. At least my parents think I do. When I moved out they would occasionally call me to come over and make one. It became a kind of joke with friends and every time I got off the phone with my folks I would get asked if I had to go over and make a meatloaf. :)

I am a decent baker. I dabble in cupcakes, cakes, bars, and cookies. So far everything I've made has been met with good compliments.

And finally, I am amazing at (and love!) untangling bundles of necklace chains. Weird skill to have and only occasionally helpful. This came in handy when I worked in retail and we occasionally got a ball (that's right-ball) of necklaces in a shipment box. Best afternoons ever.


-Marsha

Journal Day #8

Here's this week's prompt-

Would you consider yourself a religious person? Quite simply- what do you believe happens when you die? Have you always believed this? Do your current beliefs align with what you were taught as a child? And if not, what was the turning point? This week, talk about your religion or spiritual beliefs (or perhaps your lack of), and try to sum up, if you can, what you believe happens "next." via - Sometimes Sweet


I was raised Catholic. And when I say Catholic,  I mean Catholic-school-and-church-3-times-a-week Catholic. We had holy water at the front and back doors. There were dried palms peaking out from pictures of Jesus that hung in almost every room. I served at church, I sang hymns in the choir, I helped out at the church festivals, I went to Bible Study every Wednesday. I can pick out a few memories that tie closely in my choice to leave it all behind.
 
Growing up I thought all Christians were supposed to be nice and loving, like they teach us to be at school. They say we are all a big happy family under the same faith and beliefs. I never thought that I would be bullied by cliques of girls at a place I thought to be safe from all of that. The girls at Bible Study were snotty, rude and just plain mean. And I was apparently naive enough to think that Christians would never be like that. I started resisting going to Bible Study to save myself from being picked on. And on occasion even started fights with my mother so that she would be mad at me and make me stay home. The times I did still go I was uncomfortable, self conscious even (at 11), with the kids my age and repeatedly asked to stay with the adults who were partaking in the regular service. Eventually I just stopped going, much to my mother's disapproval. From there I slid farther and farther away from the church (though is till went to Catholic school) and religion as a whole. As did my mother, which is strange since she was fiercely raised a God-fearing Catholic. She slowly stopped going to church but still read the Bible at home on occasion. Sometimes I feel that she only went to church religiously (ha!) during my childhood for our benefit but when we were old enough to decided we didn't want to go, she backed off. 

During this same time I started to notice things that were done and said in the name of God. It was atrocious. War, bigotry, protesting abortion clinics (using children no less!), disparaging an entire type of people because they are "deemed unholy". Completely ridiculous to me. I washed my hands of all it and denounced not only Catholicism, but religion as a whole. Now don't get me wrong, I know the actions of few doesn't represent all Catholics (or all religious faiths) around the world, but it did apply to ones in my life and I therefore wanted nothing to do with any of it. 

A few years later when I was in my early 20s, my mother and I were at lunch. Our relationship was a ton better than it had been when I was a teenager (aided mostly by the fact that I had moved out of my parents' house) and we could converse like two adults. We would get together every few weeks for lunch and just talk. A couple had walked in and were being seated. I am kind of a creeper in public and like to people watch so I noticed they had ashes on their head. I remembered that it must be Ash Wednesday. My mother noticed also and said, "you should really go to church more." Now, me and my mother have never had the "religion talk" where I told her what I believed and she pretended to be ok with it. Without even thinking I replied, "why?" nonchalantly and with probably a little disdain. My mom looked at me and without blinking said, "I raised you better than that." I sat here dumbfounded for a moment and then I lost it. I told her that that was the problem with organized religion. If you don't think like us, you're crap. I then went on a rampage about how I don't lie, cheat, or steal. I hold the door for people and let people cut in front of me at the grocery store if they only have a few items. She raised me fine and I am a good person. And that just because I don't hold your religious beliefs doesn't make you better than me. She stared blankly at me and was absolutely speechless. I stormed out of the restaurant. Later that day we sat on the porch on my childhood home and actually had a real adult conversation with my mother about my beliefs.

I believe in faith and hope, in doing the right thing, in morals. I believe in the Ten Commandments, that Jesus, Mary Joseph, the Apostles and all the others were real people. But I also believe that the Bible is a book of stores put together by men to unite a people under one religion and has been (and is being) used to persecute people that don't fit into what is laid out within it's pages. This is never more true than today when homosexuals are being refused rights because of a misconstrued interpretation of the Bible or that women are denied access to safe means of birth control because of a company head's religious beliefs. I know these are both weighty issues and this post is not meant to be about them. But just these two issues alone verify a decision I made long ago, to steer clear of organized religion and think for myself. And as for what comes next (which was supposed to be the topic of this post), I don't know really. But then again, none of us do. Maybe there is a heaven and a hell. Or maybe we just perish and no longer exist. Then again I could be reincarnated into a tree. We won't know until it is our turn. 

-Marsha

Journal Day #7

Here's this week's prompt- 
Do you use social media in your daily life? Do you think it adds to your relationships with others, or takes away from them? And furthermore, do you think social media adds more positive or negative to your life? Write about your relationship with social media, and talk a bit about how you got started, and what role it plays in your world. via - Sometimes Sweet


I remember when I joined Facebook back in 2008. A friend of mine had mentioned it and after checking it out I figured what the heck and started an account. Back then it was nothing but a white page that showed who your friends were and your feed was simply the few friends that never really posted anything. It seemed boring so I very rarely went on it. And I didn't really need to since I already followed all my friends on MySpace. As time (a few months) went on, more and more friends joined and I was going on it more and more. Soon I left MySpace behind and solely used FB to keep up with friends (which I saw everyday so it was kinda pointless, haha). Soon thereafter I also joined Twitter and followed everyone I could think of. I also jumped on the Instagram wagon as soon as it was available for Android.

Over the years I have come to appreciate certain aspects of using social media. I see FB and Instagram as a time capsule of photos and memories. I can look back in my profiles and see things I had all but forgot about. Its kinda of amazing. As for Twitter, I occasionally use it but not very often. I have since seriously downsized the people I follow. And while I rarely check my Twitter feed, I check FB and Instagram a few times a day. I chuckle at memes that friends post.  I get to see my best friends daughter learning to cook with her grandma. I can share home improvement projects or a great thrift find. But I also get worked into a tizy by reading comments on a controversial topic (I should know better by now to just stay away). Or upset seeing that someone in Illinois has taped razor blades to various kid's equipment at a park and saw a photo of a 3 year old's bloody hand. 

I use social media in a purely journalistic way, much like this blog, to catalog my life. And I hope to continue doing so for years to come.  be able to look back and remember all the little things about my life that I had somehow forgot. For me, the positive out weigh the negative by a long shot.

-Marsha

Journal Day #6

Here's this week's prompt- 

Everyone has different things that keep them going. Sometimes it's the people around us, other times it might be what's waiting for us on the other side of hard work. Whatever it may be, there's usually some sort of motivation to get up every day, get things done, or maybe even go the extra mile. With that said, what would you say is your biggest motivation in life? Has it always been this way?-via Sometimes Sweet

I can certainly tell you there are different motivators for things like getting up and going to work (I don't want to get fired), doing laundry (I need clothes to wear), and doing house/yard projects (to have a home I am proud of). But as for a driving force behind my entire life I just don't really have an answer.

I have always kind of lived my life on a very day to day basis, not really planning for my future. In my naivety, I always just figured the future is always just looming out of reach so it will never really get here so I don't really need to worry about it. Silly I know. Since I am usually a big-picture kind of person, it surprises that I have lived most of my life this way.

Now I am older I know there are things I want out of life. And since I am willing to work for them I never really thought about and underlying motivator. I strive for and yearn for things simply because I want them, as selfish as that sounds. And while that may seem shallow to some, I can't imagine living any other life than one that strives towards filling my life with things that I want and make me happy.

I don't mean just material things, although sometimes those things do make me happy. I mean filled with people, moments, experiences. I want to surround myself with only people that truly care about me. I want to share my life's big and small moments with those people and want them to want to share theirs with me.  Then I want to sit around a fire, make s'mores and talk about our lives for hours. Just the thought of these moments keep me working towards keeping these people in my life. And that's good enough motivation for me.

-Marsha

Journal Day #5

We all encounter challenges on a daily basis. You may consider yours something small, like having enough time in the day to accomplish everything you set out to do, or it may be a bit bigger- perhaps something you have to overcome mentally or emotionally, or even a struggle when dealing with a difficult person. Whatever the case, take a look at your daily life- what would you say is your biggest challenge? Or if you have a past struggle you were able to overcome, how did you do it? This week, write about a challenge you currently deal with on a day to day basis, or discuss one you managed to get past. -via Sometimes Sweet


I would have to say just remaining sane while dealing with people everyday. Haha. I have worked in some sort of customer service for over 14 years. When I was younger it was retail based and now its in the medical field. In that time I have come in contact with all sorts of personalities and people from all walks of life. And there are certain types that are constantly difficult to deal with.

In retail, there was the chronically messy (destroying a table of folded clothing while you are standing right there folding it), the ones that don't know what day it is (person arguing about why a coupon is no longer valid because it expired 2 weeks ago or why we can't honor a sale price from a previous ad) and, my personal favorite, the "why don't you have any more?" customer.  While I won't bore you with my thoughts on each of these customers (because believe me I have them!), I still had to find a way to deal with each one. And that is patience. It may not be the cure all for every situation but it sure does help with many. It has taken me years to deal with certain types of people. I can assure you I have never ever yelled a customer. I may have ranted about them after they left but that's to be expected.

The patience muscle I so diligently toned in my years of retail has come in handy in the medical setting. When I have to repeat a medication or a question to someone 3 or 4 times, its ok.  When someone is rude to me about not being able to get a routine appointment RIGHT AWAY, I can handle it. And even when you yell at me because I won't release medical records without a signed release per HIPPA policies (even though its for your protection), I can take it. Some days are harder than others. I have been called names, been yelled at, even had things thrown at me (like a urine sample, blech).  In spite of all that, I have only considered throwing in the towel a few times.  But you know what they say, take it one day at a time.


-Marsha

Journal Day #3

Here's this week's prompt via Sometimes Sweet- 

They say hindsight is 20/20, and with good reason- looking back at something always gives us a better view. We're often able to really see how our choices and decisions then shaped our today, and examine what we would have done differently given the chance. When looking back though, we often look way back, but for this exercise stay a little closer to present time and look back just 12 months. If you could go back just one year, what would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer about everything you've experienced?

I have never been happy with my weight and have repeatedly started and stopped healthy eating and exercising daily.  When I start out I am super motivated and tell myself that this time is going to be different.  This time I won't quit and stay in the same place I've always been.  But it doesn't matter.  Every time is the same.  I stay on track for a few weeks and then slowly recede back to old habits.  During the time when I am eating better and working out, I am losing weight and feel a million times better about myself.  But for some reason this isn't enough to keep me focused and on track.  It is super frustrating.  Especially since when I am at work, I am super focused and driven.  No task is too big that I can't tackle and in record time.  Why can't I translate this work ethic to my personal life?

When at work I am usually in the mindset that if I don't do it, it will not get done.  In trying to apply this attitude to my motivation issue recently, I stumbled upon a quote that sums up everything I need to remind myself when falling off the weight wagon.  You only get back what you put in.  Simple right?  Nothing will change if I don't put forth the effort.  Subconsciously I obviously know this.  But just saying this phrase to myself puts me in my work mindset.  It gets me to work out during my lunches at work.  Its still trying to get me out of bed early each morning but I have no doubt that soon it will.  If only I had found this earlier, maybe I would not have quit one of my earlier attempts to be healthier.  A year is a long time to waste and I don't plan on wasting another.


-Marsha  

Journal Day #2

This week's prompt via-Sometimes Sweet...

We all have songs that really mean something to us. Often just hearing it can take us right back to that place and we are able to re-experience the memory associated with the song. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but either way music has the ability to really draw things out of us and evoke deep emotion. Choose a song that has a particular meaning to you. Tell the story of the memory associated with the song, sharing as much detail as you can. Take us there; let us experience it with you. 



This is kind of hard thing for me to write.  There is so much music that I love down to my very soul.  Songs that evoke such emotion I had no idea I even had within me.  Starting with the first music I ever bought to the song that will forever bring me to tears every time I hear it.  Those are tales for another day.  Today I will actually share with you a collection of songs, an entire album, that was one of the first that has forever had an impact on me.

I got Smashing Pumpkin's Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness as a birthday gift from my best friend Dana (and her parents) in 5th grade.  We both loved the Smashing Pumpkins and this was their latest release.  I was too young to have a job and my parents would never have paid the $25 price tag for this double album, no matter how much I wanted it.  Joy over took me when I unwrapped it and I was almost brought to tears as I held it n my hands.  That night we listened to my copy of Mellon Collie while eating snacks and poured over the album's liner notes, anxious to decode and memorize each song.  The inside cover still has a Flammin' Hot Cheetos thumb print, as I was too eager to even wipe my hand off before diving into Billy Corgan's poetry.

I soon lost in the musical diversity of this album.  The high are filled with cherub-esque harps and subtle coos, the lows with blaring guitar riffs and screams.  There was an intimacy I felt when listening to this album and I absorbed every song.  Galapogos is still a song very near and dear to my heart.  In a way it's a little strange to look and back and think that as an 12 year old I cried to this song.  Muzzle felt like it written specifically about me but in such a way that I could never express.  Lily (My One and Only) and By Starlight showed me how imperfect and unfair love can be but made me want it anyway.   Farewell & Goodnight lulled me to sleep every night for quite a few months..  A poster very similar to this still from their Tonight Tonight video hung on my wall for years.

When drummer Jimmy Chamberlain was kicked out of/left the band after a drug incident with a touring keyboardist we were devastated. I scoured the newspaper for any info (as there was no internet), when I finally found an article I clipped it out and carried it around with me for I'm not sure how long, constantly rereading it.  Dana and I held a sort of wake for the band, the fallen keyboardist and Jimmy's misfortune.  We listened to all their albums in the dark with only candles lit while we painted our nails black in mourning.


Feelings run deep in an adolescent girl and I clung to the misunderstanding and sadness held between the lines of these songs.  I identified with them on some level and still carry them inside of me to this day.  Even over a decade later I still regard this as one of my favorite albums.  Listening to these songs and feeling the memories they stir up is a constant remainder of what an effect music has had on me.



-Marsha 

Journal Day w/Sometimes Sweet #1

 Danielle over on Sometimes Sweet is an avid writer.  And very talented at that!  She recently restarted Journal Day to encourage a very simple thing:  to write more.  I know I sometimes get into a bit of a writing funk where you just don't know what to write about.  Most topics seem over done or silly or just plan pointless.  So I'm super pumped to actually have her provide the topic.  Every week she will post it on her blog and followers are encouraged to write then comment with either a few lines from their writing or a link to their post.   I am going to attempt to compete this every week in hopes of actually getting back to just simply writing.


This week's topic is...

"Everyone has a time in their life they view as a crossroad. Sometimes you can see it as it's happening, and you're able to choose one way or another. Other times you may not realize you're there until you look back, and see what a turning point it really was. This week, write about a time you view as a marker in your life; a distinct place where things changed, for better or worse. " via-Sometimes Sweet

I was at a job that I loved for quite while.  Well it was 5 years but I suppose that is a long time when you're on your early 20s.  This job was everything to me.  I had met my best friends there.  It helped me gain confidence and be alright with who I was.  It taught me that being different is okay and should be expressed and celebrated.  I had plans to move up in the company and was taking the steps to make this happen.  Then it all fell apart.  The position I was moving towards no longer existed and I was being relocated.  The location I was going to already had someone of my position (lets call her Jennifer) who apparently thought we now had to fight to keep our job.  To the best of my knowledge this was not the case.  I was just there temporarily until a permanent spot somewhere else opened up.  Jennifer proceeded to make work very difficult and work soon became a place I hated going to.  She had made the place I loved most the place I wanted least to be.  

Everything came crashing down on me one Sunday morning.  She started a fight with me.  Not an actual "fists-flying-hair-pulling-arm-scratching" fight (do women even fight like that?) but it might as well have been.  It ended with us yelling at each other, me slamming a door and not speaking to her for the rest of the day.  It also led to a meeting a few days later with our District Manager about my behavior while not a word was said about hers.  I was fuming.  I know that I had a part in our argument but (I know this sounds really immature) she started it.  She started everything.  And after weeks of side mouthed comments, I had finally had enough and couldn't hold my tongue any longer.  After that I had a decision to make.  Do I stick it out and rely on my morals to get me through?  Or do I just throw in the towel? 

I would like to say I had the guts to stay and put up with everything she could dish out.  But instead I searched endlessly for another job.  I eventually took a lower paying job at another company just to be able to rid myself of her.  The excitement and relief I felt when I turned in my notice was something I had never expected to feel about leaving that job.  I always thought they would have to drag me out kicking and screaming, not running away jumping for joy.  I learned later that everything she did was intentional to get me to quit.  It warmed my heart just a little that she felt she had to use grade school tactics instead of relying on her ability to do the job.  On the other hand, it still irks me a little because it worked.

My new job turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  Sure, I was being paid less but my schedule was more cemented which allowed me to make plans easier as well as give me the ability to go back to school.  I was also pretty much my own boss, which I loved since I thrive when working independently.  And best of all, it led me to my husband.  So many of the amazing things that happened in the last few years had been because of or with him.  And I honestly do not think I would have even met him if I had stayed at my previous job. 

For a really long time I hated Jennifer, resented her for taking something dear to me and covering it in mud.  But I think she really just showed me that I had slowly outgrown that place and gave me the huge kick in the pants I needed to move on.  Looking back, I almost think I should thank her for making me quit.  She unknowingly forced me down the road I was supposed to be on.  Even if it took me years to realize it.  

-Marsha